yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
