So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
