i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
