I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
