do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
