Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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