y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
