About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
