Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
