I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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