So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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