Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
