VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
