I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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