angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
