I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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