Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
