I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
