I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
