dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
