we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
