I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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