Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
