So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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