i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
