How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
