we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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