my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
