I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
