he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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