My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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