So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
