I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
