why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
