For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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