your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
