I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
