So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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