Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
