Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
