If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
