my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
please come you make the beer taste better
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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