You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
