Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
