too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
