He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
