Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
