i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
