pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
sex in a hospital.. check
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
We smell like vodka and hangover
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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