apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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