he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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